A shout out to my love, my Sam, my Schweetie :), who has been nudging me, from time to time, to start blogging! And the time has finally come! As I always say, all in good time:)
The last couple of years have changed and defined my life in many ways. It all started on May 23, 2014 with my spinal fracture. Who would have thought that cleaning grease on the kitchen ceiling in an acrobatic position could result in a backward dive to the floor, and a T11-T12 fracture! This was followed by dad’s heart failure, mom’s demise on Dec 8, 2015, an asthma hospitalization in Feb 2015, dads ill health in Nov 2015, and finally his demise on Jan 16, 2016. Oh but it doesn’t end here! I got impacted by a mandible nerve injury after wisdom teeth extraction in April 2016, followed by another asthma attack! For someone who weighs 100 pounds and is a little over 5.1″ in height, the last 2 years have been, kinda, sorta, maybe, a perfect storm! But strength can come in small packages:) And the worst is over. I believe the phoenix has risen:)
And I forgot to mention I’m an only child, and my parents were indeed my best friends. Let me start with the day mom/amma passed away….
Dec 8, 2014
2:30am PST, Kirkland, WA . The cell phone on my bedside table rings, but I don’t pick up. The number is unrecognizable and all I want to do is sleep.
3:00am. The phone rings again and I decide to pick it up this time around. It is my cousin, Shivani, from India, letting me know that my mom is unconscious and they are heading to the hospital in an ambulance. The word ‘unconscious’ frightens me. Will she gain consciousness? What has happened?
5:00am Mom already crashed for nearly 8 minutes in the ambulance, but they revived her. Mom is put on a heart pump as soon as she gets to the hospital, and her BP and pulse may come back up.
6:30am. She is doing slightly better, and the doctors are hopeful. Shivani tells me, she has come back to life once, her Sai Ram (mom’s guru who is no more) will bring her back again. Mom became a devotee of Sai Baba, after she had a vision of him when she had a near death experience in 2010.
One of Sam’s best friends, N is visiting from California, and sitting right next to me at the island kitchen counter. As I book tickets from Seattle to Chennai, I whatsapp my best friend JM in India and K chithi, mom’s best friend in Dxb, letting them know what’s going on. They tell me, she is super strong, she will come back from this. Don’t lose hope. K chithi just saw her just 2 days ago.
7:30am Tickets from Seattle to Chennai are booked. I need to get ready in a few hours and board a flight. The amount of traveling I do, I should be pretty used to this by now. But this time I don’t know if I get to see mom or not. The uncertainty will probably drive me insane.
8:30am. Sam and I are just about to walk out of the door to get a few little things I need before my trip to India, when the phone rings. Shivani says ‘Sorry da’. No , this is not possible. This cannot happen. She cannot be taken away from me. N is sitting on the couch, and I run to the corner of the room near the patio door and curl up like a ball. My favorite tulip has completely closed. My heart has just been taken away .I have tried to imagine this moment and condition myself to face this moment. I always knew it could happen anytime.
My schweetie and my mom are alike in many ways. They are closed tulips who find it hard to trust people. It is hard for them to connect very deeply with people and find their comfort zone. But they bloom, they bloom with the right people. My favorite July born crabs, moody at times, get into a shell, and I always manage to get them out. But this time I can’t. She is gone.
A closed shell. A closed tulip. But, I tell myself, of course she will always be here with me, forever. Continue reading “Yo eternal optimists, when faced with extreme negativity or hardship, remember that the universe is pushing you, even further out of your comfort zone to find joy, peace, harmony and contentment in the midst of discomfort, sorrow, unrest and uncertainty!”