Sometimes it takes a while to realize what has infact occurred. And this is exactly what happened to me.

In spite of having done yoga, pranayama and meditation for years, I have never ventured out to practice kundalini yoga ever. I have never had any desire to. I have knowledge of kundalini and chakras, and have experienced a few moments of kundalini rising, while doing kriya yoga, as part of my yoga teacher training. I have also experienced a few moments of it in my ayahuasca ceremony. But I have never given a moment’s thought to any of this.

In Yoga, Kundalini is the feminine form of the Sanskrit adjective meaning “circular” or “coiled.” It refers to life force energy that lies like a coiled serpent at the base of the spine. When it is awakened, there is an unobstructed flow of energy from the base of the spine all the way to the crown chakra or the cerebral cortex.

The first time I experienced a more prolonged kundalini rising was in February 2015, after my mom passed away.   

Extremely high heart rate, loss of weight , insomnia,  a semi euphoric state of unconditional love for the universe combined with heavy grief and uncontrollable energy.  Bit of an out of body experience.  

Grief created the biggest blockage I had ever faced, right in my heart Chakra. The heart/chest/lung region. This resulted in a severe asthma attack that ended up in hospitalization. I am prone to asthma but had never experienced such a severe case before. I had never been 90lbs before. Also I was on heavy steroids, that put me in the most hyperactive mode I had ever experienced. Everything was heightened. Especially my creativity. Even with sleeping pills, I couldn’t sleep more than 4 hours a day. It was uncomfortable, but truth be told, it felt enjoyable in a strange way. I don’t think anyone who saw me realized that hiding beneath a deep tightness in my chest was a sense of euphoria. After a couple of months, everything calmed down.

It is hard to pinpoint what part of this experience had to do with a heavy dose of steroids. And it might have played a role in heightening everything. At the time, I attributed a lot of this to the steroids. Through all this, the word ‘Kundalini’ did not enter my frame of reference in any way. I did not realize what I had experienced until it happened again recently.

Fast forward to April 2016. A couple of months after dad passed I got all my wisdom teeth removed. And I ended up with an unexpected mandibular nerve injury. Excruciating.  Lol, I guess I had to lose all my wisdom teeth to realize anything 😊 And another asthma attack (but not as serious this time) piled on to this. I had experienced grief, but this time it was a bigger storm, with both of them gone, and the most physical pain I had ever experienced in my life. It was different from 2015. Before I started experiencing all the heightened sensations, I had to surrender first. Because I could not do anything. The nerve injury combined with asthma meant, I had to ‘be’. There was just no other way out. I was in bed for days, in pain. All I could do was breathe.  I remember crying my heart out and wondering when it would pass. There were moments when I just felt done with all of it. Like I was nearly dying.  

Looking back, when mom died, I was continuously caught up in ‘doing’, no matter what, even if it meant I couldn’t breathe at times! Also dad was still around and needed my support. 

I am a fighter and survivor. Like my dad. This is just innate. But this fight was different. Extreme physical and mental discomfort meant I had to surrender, be patient, and allow the discomfort to pass. And then one fine day, sometime in the beginning of May, I suddenly felt different. I felt that same unconditional love for the universe that I had felt before.  Like everything is connected. Everything made sense. My energy levels soared. My heart rate was higher than normal. I experienced similar sensations of euphoria that I did in 2015. My identity and ego dissolved. Loss and surrender made me realize that nothing is more important than love. What else was there, after all? Unconditional love had been given to me ever since I was born. I had finally found acceptance in the death of my folks. I could take the love they had for me, and expand it to the whole word. My heart felt enormous. I could be in a state of flow with no attachment to outcome.

The sensations lasted a while and subsided. My energy reached a more balanced state.  This felt like a real awakening for the first time in my life. I learned to surrender for the first time in my life. I had cleared a huge blockage in my life.

January 2022

A peaceful state of being in Dublin. A lot of stillness. Less doing, more being. I did undertake a fast which resulted in the ego dissolving, more than ever before, effortlessly. Lots of joy, freedom, peace and stillness. Check out https://wordpress.com/post/shruthsblog.com/600 to know more about what I was experiencing in the weeks preceding the next few paragraphs. In one line, it was ‘a state of bliss beyond the dualistic cycle of pleasure and pain’.

It is in a quiet state of being that I have had a Kundalini Awakening. From nothingness. Out of nowhere. Out of the blue. And this time the universe came and whispered in my ear– This is your kundalini energy baby, it’s time you realize it.

Increased heart rate, but comfortable. Lungs are incredibly clear. Sleeping little, and in spurts, but comfortable. No desire for food or alcohol, but comfortable.  A surge of energy. Synchronicities every single day. Manifestations beyond the mind.  Answers to questions that I have been asking for 2 decades. And new questions and immediate answers being revealed. A heightened ability to discern.  All arising spontaneously. Effortlessly.  A sense of divinity within and around.

I have always been intrigued by the esoteric, the occult and the unknown. That which is beyond the mind’s comprehension. I have always been able to see the larger picture with faith, without quite understanding all the ifs and buts and why’s. I have also fought faith with skepticism. Knowledge tends to get in the way of faith, a lot ! However, somehow, faith has always ended up taking over, at every stage. The ego mind thrives on knowledge. And once the ego dissolves, faith shines.

The Kundalini energy from the base of my spine has been able to travel all the way to my crown chakra for the first time, as it has not been obstructed by blockage. And maybe that’s why I realized what was going on this time around.  My crown chakra was wide open and shining its light.

No happiness, euphoria or ecstasy, like I experienced previously during glimpses of kundalini energy. Just immense clarity and joy. There are tears, many tears with no emotion attached to them. Just love. And a simple gratitude for the moment. Feels like there is no ‘me’ most of the time. I don’t think ‘I’ am doing anything.  And when I do, I smile at the illusion of me. That which is referred to as  “Maya” in the Vedas. An illusion where things appear to be present but are not what they seem. I see myself as a character playing out in a movie. And I shall not elaborate on that here.  That is a different piece of writing for a different day!

I sense the presence of life force energy within and around me. And this manifests in a variety of ways. Sometimes in creativity, sometimes in the form of spontaneous support for people. Not trying to be of benefit. Not trying to serve a purpose. But that seems to happen anyway, while embodying pure joy and love.

The sensation of jogging when I am in stillness – A moving stillness. In essence, this is the best way to describe how I am feeling. The sensation of deep internal movement within (muscles contracting and so forth) when I am at rest. And the sensation of stillness when I am in the midst of movement.  So movement and stillness are no longer two separate things. There is only one.  

I have a tattoo that says ‘Balance is Happiness’ in Urdu on my thigh. Truth be told, I am smiling at it now, because it is a beautiful part of realization. Balance requires two different things to be a part of it. A separateness.  When this separateness dissolves, the question of balance vanishes. When Yin and Yang become one, it is not balance. It is Unity.  When there is no duality, there is no question of balance. Only oneness.

I do not miss mom and dad anymore. Unbelievable but true. I had never fathomed this.  I feel their eternal souls that are unchanging and imperishable, with me all the time. No different from their physical form.  If anything, they feel more present now. Memories don’t seem to pop up. I just feel their omnipresent love. Only Oneness.  

Death has been a frequent topic for the last 7 years. But not anymore. I don’t see the duality of birth and death anymore, because of this eternal unchanging soul that I have realized.  I have read about this as a concept and tried to comprehend it better for decades. But knowledge and learning limit us after a certain point.  And even experience becomes a cling on. The wisdom gained from loss had become a cling on for me the last few years. When I finally sat with it in stillness, the attachment to wisdom dropped. When I stopped learning and clinging, I realized.

Kundalini energy exists within every being. What I have experienced may seem hard to fathom but we are all energy beings. Anyone can experience it. A kundalini awakening can happen when you are not seeking it. It can also happen after years of seeking it. Maybe it can even happen if you don’t have any faith in chakras/subtle energy points and invisible energy channels/meridians.  I don’t know. All I know is that I had never imagined this. But as Rumi says, “What you seek is seeking you”.

I am going to leave you with this for now…

Knowledge is power and can be learned. But knowledge can only go so far. And wisdom can only be experienced. And if you are attached to wisdom, realization can never take place.

Love and light. Namaste.

Loud and high pitched. Also loud and deep.  Even at the age of 6, my voice could project enough sound without a mic in an auditorium that fit about 1600 people. And that hasn’t quite changed till date.

In a choir, or a room full of chants, my voice will always be heard the loudest.  This is most innate to me. And the dissonance of trying to curtail it, or curb would leave me in unbearable pain. Like I can’t breathe. When the group consisted of folks who were soft , my voice felt like it had a purpose. It could breathe. Otherwise it was lost in being too loud and singular. I have never been able to find harmony in a group easily. So I never really enjoyed being part of the choir as much as I enjoyed singing solo. But things are slightly different now.

Extremes. I have always been a person of extremes. Always in control of myself, one way or the other.  But I have never been completely at ease in neutrality. I recently discovered that I have always tilted my head towards one side or the other since I was a child. Yin or Yang. Left Brain or Right Brain. Never union. Akin to my experience with my voice.

I have enjoyed it. I have detested it. The tone and metal of my voice. In western music, there is the ‘chest voice’ and the ‘head voice’. The chest voice consists of deep warmer thicker tones and is typically our speaking voice. A vibration can be felt in the chest region. The head voice consists of high sharp notes and while the vocal chords are very much at play, the vibration is felt in the head.  And this is not a falsetto, which is a lot airier, and without a fulness to it.

Inherently, I have both a deep as well as a sweet voice. However I never thought it was sweet until more recently. I was always put in the Saprano category, throughout choir at school.  High pitched tones.
But the deep chest voice is what I used to resonate with more always. A tug of war.

Until my 30s, I did not quite realize that there is something called a mixed voice. Where there is the possibility to create one’s own sound in neutrality. Where the head and choice voice find oneness. Where there isn’t too much reliance on one or the other.

I am ‘Yang’ in nature. Or Pitta (Fire and Water) in the Ayurvedic Dosha system.
Fiery, loud and constantly doing. It wasn’t until 2016 in Yin Yoga teacher training that I discovered how soft, sweet and silent I could be. How ‘Yin’ I could be. And my ‘Yin’ nature started to shine too. Something I had been searching for my whole life. That soft sweet calm voice that made people feel blissed out at the end of a yoga nidra meditation.  I realized one thing very clearly in 2016. We are not this or that. We just are.

But there were still 2 sides to me. Either I was Yin or I was Yang. I had mastered the art of both separately. But there was no oneness. Until very recently.

Until Jan 2022.

To know more about the journey that lead to this awakening please read my blog.https://shruthsblog.com/2022/01/24/peeling-the-onion-in-a-decade-from-a-glimpse-of-an-awakening-in-2012-to-a-full-blown-awakening-in-2022/

I have finally discovered a unique sound that ‘just is’. That space of union where my head voice and chest voice become one . And even when it doesn’t , there is no dissonance for me. There may be dissonance for others and that just doesn’t matter.  

It is not good or bad. It is not better or worse. It just is.

Everything I know about love, I learnt from Raji Kichami. And later on from Sam as well, but that is a different love story. I have often observed people referring to them as  ‘Raji Kichami’ as opposed to Raji or Kichami. I have often heard their friends say ‘They were made for each other’.  They embodied love for each other and me unconditionally.

But I only heard about their love story in detail from dad after mom passed away.  

It was love at first sight. Her brother was his friend, and he had seen her a bunch of times. She was one pretty dame. Her eyes and smile took his breath away. He didn’t care that she was well rounded. He liked the voluptuous look.  He didn’t know much about her. But yet he decided to ask for her hand in marriage. Atleast they were from the same community and there wouldn’t be too much push back on either side. He hit it off with her dad like yoghurt and rice or thai sadam ( if you were not raised eating this, you might not relate😊) . Both of them were marketing dudes with the gift of the gab. Also, it didn’t hurt that they could share a drink together!

Mom did not reciprocate any of dad’s feelings. She was all of 19 years.  She was not ready. She didn’t know anything about this guy. She was not even attracted to my dad at the time. He looked a bit traditional and wore three ash lines on his forehead (something some brahmins do).

But out of 5 siblings, she was her dad’s pet. And she had immense faith in him. He managed to convince her. This was the right guy and he was asking for her hand in marriage. There were also 3 other daughters to be married and she was the first one to be asked. Indeed, she was fortunate.
I am immensely thankful to my dad and granddad for their powers of persuasion😊.

And it happened on February 6, 1972. They were married in a humble ceremony at a hindu temple.
The first few years of mom’s marriage were a menace. My dad’s family was way more conservative than hers, and it was a difficult mother in law- daughter in law relationship. Her mother in law was extremely loving, but also rather dominating.  Mom and dad were in a joint family situation that included 3 sisters and a brother, and my dad was also supporting his family financially. Dad struggled between the family and his wife. And my mom could be moody, if she was pissed, she wouldn’t talk to him for days!

But he had pursued her. He wanted her to be happy. That’s all he cared about. For whatever reason or none at all, he just loved her. I think it was the latter.  He somehow saw her heart without any knowledge of it.

Eventually, he took a bold step and decided to move out of the joint family setup. He decided that even if he had to work double time, he would do it. He was a salesman, and while he received first class railway tickets for his interstate work trips, he would go in third class, and save the extra money he made. He did his best to ensure she was satisfied. He wanted to win her over. And eventually he did.

More privacy, more time together. My mom was innately a rather private person. While she could be gregarious, she needed a lot of time to herself.  Eventually my mom realized how much he loved her. It became impossible for my mom not to love him back. It was very clear to her that she was everything to him.

He loved her for her. He loved her inspite of her. She was moody, and stubborn. She could be impossible at times.
And she did too. She loved him for him. She loved him inspite of him. He was hot tempered and brash. He could be impossible at times.  

Creating me was nothing short of a miracle. My mom struggled for years and years with gynecological issues. She was a teacher, and loved kids. She had great desire for a child. After several years of trying to figure out what was wrong, misdiagnosis, miscarriages and more, she found Dr.Indira Ramurthy, her knight in shining armor. She was firm with my mom. Among other things she told my mom to lose 10 kgs and assured her that she would get pregnant again. And my mom was one hell of a determined woman. She did it. And there I was.

Dad always told me that I brought luck and fortune to him right from the time I was born. He had an opportunity to go to the Middle East for work after I was born and the rest is history. He worked very very hard.  Providing for mom and me, and making us happy was his life goal. Anything and everything was in pursuit of our happiness. And mom played the more dominant role in actively raising me.

Mom was our nucleus.  Dad and I shared similar personalities and mom provided us grounding. According to Ayurvedic Doshas, Dad and I are predominantly Pitta which consists of Fire and Water and Mom is Kapha which is made up of earth and water. Mom was our stable earth.

I saw their love growing and transforming over the years. They faced many trials and tribulations in life, especially health related ones, and faced them with a lot of grace. I witnessed fights and arguments, and an eventual resolution, always.  When I got older, I also played a role in some of them, and joined the ruckus . However, there was always alignment, no matter how much dissonance there was.

At the end of the day, they were one, no matter what.  There was no Raji or Kichami.

There is only Raji Kichami. No Separateness. Only Oneness. The greatest gift of my life.

2012 – Leaving the Corporate World – Glimpse of an Awakening

My first yoga teacher training in 2012 led to my first glimpse of an awakening. This was the first time I practiced endless hours of yoga and meditation in an intense manner. At this juncture, I was toying with my place in the corporate world. I knew it was not my true calling. Art in a variety of forms has always been true to my nature. But years of conditioning, an attachment to a reasonable sized financial income, and the fear of uncertainty had always held me back.

During the course of my yoga training, I started to let go of the identity as a professional with a career. I started to feel a sense of freedom, and clarity that I had never experienced before. As I lost my sense of self and let go of years of external and internal conditioning, I left the corporate world and started my own hand painted accessories business.  The rest of it is history. The universe has its way of supporting you when you are in alignment with self. I found the right support structure to launch my business. I spent hours and hours painting bags and was constantly in a meditative state. I felt a sense of complete oneness, transcending space and time. I was not the painter anymore. I was the paint, the brush and the canvas. One with all of it. No separateness.

But soon I found that a business with targets, measurements and ROI brought me right back to my sense of identity. I was forced to do things that didn’t feel in alignment with self. Lots of internal judgment. I also found myself being attached to the meditative activity of painting because of the blissful state I experienced. I observed a dualistic cycle of pleasure and pain.

2016 – The loss of my parents – An Awakening

In December 2014, I lost my mom. In January 2016, dad was gone too.  The greatest loss I had ever experienced in my life. Grief hit me like the Tsunami. During this time, I went through a nerve injury and an asthma attack.  The worst physical and mental trauma I had ever experienced.

Adyashanti, a buddhist teacher, refers to this intense pain and suffering as ‘Fierce Grace’. Our greatest hardships can be pertinent for our awakening if we are ready to face them. And this is what I did.  I realized that there was only one way out – Through it. Surrendering to all of it. And in this time, my entire identity just vanished. There was no self. The ego dissolved.  I felt an overwhelming sense of unconditional love.

I decided to let go of my handpainted accessories business as it didn’t seem to align with my true nature at that point, but painting continued to be a big part of my life.

In the next couple of years, I I went on to do several yoga teacher trainings, became a full time yoga teacher and also discovered the joy of writing.

Was I always in an awakened state? No. And neither did I try to be. But one thing was very ingrained in me by then. No matter what, I had to flow, and be true to my nature. I didn’t know how to live any other way.

2018 – Another milestone

I published many articles, and in one of them, I came out of hiding. For the first time, I revealed one of the most difficult moments I had experienced when I was younger.  And this was a revelation. Until this point, there was always something holding me back from telling the story. A fear of being judged.

But there I was. Out in the open. Telling the story of my deepest darkest moment.   Unprotected and Unguarded. This allowed my heart and mind to open up some more. Unconditional love flowed out of me naturally.

My love for singing, and playing the piano was also rekindled. I had performed on stage several times before, but I had a problem with myself. I wanted to be pitch perfect (especially given my name is Shruthi) and for years struggled with this conditioning. Finally I let go. Somehow I was able to, because of the oneness I was experiencing at the time.  I shared a video of myself singing and playing the keyboard. It was raw, unbridled, and far from perfect. I became one with the keyboard and my voice after a long long time.

2019 – A Toughie

Slowly and steadily, as 2019 progressed, I found lesser joy in teaching yoga. I had never imagined this. But ofcourse, nothing is permanent. And while this was ingrained in me, it still took time to let go.

Yoga is my life, and is an integral part of me, but teaching yoga had served its purpose in my life. By mid 2019, I knew this, but was still not quite ready to let go.  However, I reduced the number of classes I taught. I spent a lot of time in stillness and silence.

Lack of clarity, flooding of our house and a sick family member in India. It was a year from hell. But I had seen much worse, and knew that during such times, I needed to turn inwards even more. The difficult moments came and went.

I embarked on my first 7 day water fast (a few sips of herbal tea as well) in response to the fact that my body needed a break. It was crying out to me.  Months of not having a kitchen due to the crisis in our home, led to unhealthy eating habits. It came to a point when my digestive system begged me for complete rest. A reboot.

I won’t go into the details here. But overall, it made me feel like a warrior. An increase in clarity, alertness, openness, ease in adapting to stress, and an overall sense of acceptance and contentment. If you would like to know more about my experience, check out  https://www.elephantjournal.com/2019/09/why-a-water-fast-can-ignite-the-warrior-spirit-within-shruthi-krishnaswami/

Since then I have been undertaking a fast every year.

2020 – Clarity

The answers always come eventually. After months of soul searching and sitting in stillness, I found myself being drawn towards jewelry design. I taught my last formal yoga class, set out on a solo travel journey to Ecuador, got held at gun point, and experienced an ayahuasca ceremony. My 39^th year started with a bang!!  I got back to Seattle just in time before the first Covid Lockdown. I had identified some jewelry design programs I was interested in, but they were in Italy. And there was no way to get there. I had to wait patiently.

In the summer of 2020, Covid eased up slightly. I got accepted into a jewelry design program in Italy that seemed like a good fit for me. There was some resistance from my husband (Sam) , given he couldn’t accompany me, Covid was nowhere near done, and I was at a higher risk given that I was prone to Asthma. But he had unconditional support for my passion.

Italy turned out to be a beautiful experience with its share of ups and downs. But for several reasons, I found that the program was not quite the right fit for me. I decided to let go of the program. But a lot of learning came out of those few months and I had more clarity on what I might want to do in the field of jewelry design.

To Sam’s delight, I returned to Seattle after a few months right in time for our 15^th Wedding Anniversary. We had plans to relocate to Europe, but with Covid still in the picture, it was a waiting game.  

2021 – Yet another bumpy ride

Fast forward a few months, we cleared out our Seattle house of 15 years, and were on the road to California with a car filled up to the brim! I managed to secure one of the last 2 spots in a jewelry design certification course at the Gemology Institute. At this point we were semi nomads. Living out of a car, a bunch of suitcases, and airbnbs. And thank goodness, we had a fluid plan. Because there was a heavy speed bump without any signs ahead of us.

The unexpected loss of my mother in law in India. In the middle of Covid, it was a challenging experience figuring out logistics. I was in the middle of my program at the time. Right from getting to India, the experience there, taking care of his dad, and more, Sam was served the perfect storm. I had to support him from a distance and I was also experiencing loss – the third one in my life.  My mother in law and I had developed a mother daughter relationship over the years.  We faced many practical difficulties, grief and uncertainty during the months that followed.

I finished my certification and decided that I want to work with artisans to manufacture my jewelry in India. I spent hours and hours doing my research and legwork, made a trip to Jaipur and found someone I could potentially work with. But I observed an attachment to identity once again. This made me feel driven but also caused a lot of discomfort, as I outlined all the obstacles that were part of the process. There were thoughts like, “You are talented, you have so much potential, you can do this, you have to make this happen by this time”.

Finally our plans to move to Dublin came together. And in November, it happened. Before the end of the year, I managed to find us an apartment that spoke to both our souls.

Grounding felt like magic.

I had always thought of myself as a nomad, because I had experienced a lot of change growing up. Living out of different cities. But never had I experienced living in approximately 10 places in a single year. For the first time I truly realized the importance of grounding in my life. The simplest activities started feeling blissful. Cooking, walking, just being.

2022 – Right Here Right Now

Started my year with a water fast. My fourth one. And this one has had a profound impact on me. A full blown awakening.

A detached attachment with food has expanded to my entire state of being. A state of bliss, beyond the dualistic experience of pleasure and pain.  

So, what was different about this fast? This is the first time that I volunteered to cook for my husband during my fast. I could smell and touch, but not taste.

I cooked for the first time on the third day of my fast. Also, the day when hunger started to hit. I was drawn to the aroma of the spices and I experienced temptation. But I managed to control my mind. And as we all know, the body follows the mind.

On the fourth day, I cooked again. And this time I observed my senses, with a keen sense of awareness. My mind was completely at ease. No temptation. No desire. I observed myself experiencing the aroma without any attachment to it.  Similar to what I had experienced while painting.  I continued to cook for the rest of my fast, with the same experience each time.

In Hinduism or yogic terms, I experienced a state of Samadhi – where the ego mind dissolves and the seer becomes one with the object.  This was not the first time I was experiencing this. But in the past, I wasn’t able to experience Samadhi in stillness or silence. It was only experienced as a result of doing something.

It has been a couple of weeks since I completed my fast. And I seem to be in the same state as I was during my fast.  At the moment, this applies to all facets of my life.

It is uncertain as to how long this will last. And I am completely indifferent to this, as there is no sense of attachment to my experience in the NOW..

What is different about this awakening? I find myself not being attached to any sense of identity. More Consistently. Not only while doing, but while just being.  Everything is now. Everything is here. I don’t have to ‘be’ anything. I am already everything.  I am not in pursuit of anything, but I flow. In consciousness. In creativity. The sense of self has not vanished completely but it seems to be getting dimmer and dimmer. The ability to sit in stillness has increased drastically. I don’t need to write or paint or do yoga to experience a state of bliss. It is there. It was always there.

I am still interested in designing jewelry. But the launch of a jewelry line has become what I refer to as a goalless goal. Many creative activities flow as a part of this. Timeline has been thrown out of the window. And I find that there is an ease in the obstacles that arise, because I am not ‘trying’ to be a jewelry designer. There is no ‘I’.  Thoughts akin to ‘ I want to be a jewelry designer, I want a purpose, I want to achieve something, I want to find meaning’ have disappeared. Once we stop trying, it becomes easy to let go of all control. The ego automatically dissolves. And this is replaced by a continuous sense of flow. Sometimes this flow involves a lot of action and at other times patience and stillness.

In essence, for the first time in my life, I have surrendered my personal will to a large extent and the illusion of ‘me’ does not get in the way. There is no struggle or fixation. Life just flows and I have no idea where it will take me. I am ready for this.

The ordinary feels extraordinary these days. And this does feel amazing. But I realize that there is infact nothing special about my experience. It just is.
I have just managed to remember that I came into this world unconditioned, in a state of bliss. And somehow I have managed to return to that state by letting go of most of the conditioning that has been built up over time.

This is probably hard for many folks around me to grasp. Hard to fathom. Hard to imagine. As I go through this, I know that there are people I may need to step back from as a part of my unfolding. Maybe for a brief period of time. This is part of my unconditional love that needs to say No, because, that is infact a whole hearted Yes.

I still have some sticky spots. The illusion of ‘me’ creeps back in here and there, but more and more I find that it passesquickly. There is nothing to hang on to. With respect to my appearance, I notice some discomfort with the budding grays and irreversible hyperpigmentation on my face creeping up from time to time. I allow the discomfort to arise and pass, without judging the discomfort . Slowly it is coming to a point where the discomfort only lasts a few seconds, and gets released naturally with a smile. There is no ‘trying’ to let go of the discomfort or the ‘sense of self’ completely. Immense freedom, peace, and love.

I am just flowing in my most natural state, in the NOW. In unity.

When nothing is done, nothing is left undone – Lao Tzu