About six months ago, I had a fall on a muddy trail in Sri Lanka, which resulted in the left side (Oh yeah, that favorite side that is always depicted in pictures!)  of my face suffering several abrasions and scrapes. Not deep enough to change the structure or shape of my face, but enough to leave a few scars behind. 

I was in complete shock after the fall. Raw and broken. Completely out of it, in pain, and also way out of my comfort zone in a remote place in SriLanka. What might have been trivial to many was extremely traumatic to me. We all come with our own share of conditioning and fears. Having dealt with several skin challenges since teenage, injuring my face has always been a deep rooted fear. While facing a fear can be extremely freeing, it wasn’t the case in the first few weeks.

I opened myself to friends and family in the most raw, childlike way. Absolutely no barriers. I received varying types of support, some of which resonated and some of which didn’t at all.  But I am grateful for all of it, which has been in service of bringing what was necessary for me to light. 

Expression in words has been a way of life for me. And somehow I have identified it as being a very core part of me. And sometimes it almost becomes ‘auto pilot’ mode. But expression in silence, is also a core part of me. And that is something I discovered completely in the last few months. Mom used to nudge me quite often throughout the course of my life to explore this more.  For the first time in my life, I have observed a long period of expression in silence. The desire to express myself in words as much as before has faded. We often say – I have changed. The mind perceives change. But really,  it has just delved deep enough to recognize something that has always been there. We identify and categorize ourselves in many ways, which ends up being the basis for many of our attachments. But really, we are not this or that. We are everything. 

When an expressive, chatty person becomes quieter, it can be challenging for loved ones. The change can be stark and unsettling to some. And at the same time, not so much for others. I have seen both sides of the spectrum. The desire to converse has decreased, while I do have conversations with a few, as the heart calls. And this happens very intuitively and telepathically. There is absolutely no cadence here. And if someone reaches out to me they will be sure to get a response. I have gained a deeper understanding of the people in my life who are not expressive in words.

What does the next moment hold? Will I be quiet or chatty? Who knows! Each moment just is. Whatever it wants to be. In the last few months, many things I was previously extremely attached to don’t hold that same space anymore. Much to my surprise, travel! While I still love traveling, and enjoy it thoroughly, there is not much of a bucket list anymore.

I have been asked – how are the scars doing? Scars have their own journey and just are. They don’t define me.  The colors and the textures on my face just tell stories of different moments in my life.
The one person who sees me almost every single day of my life is completely oblivious to all of this. Not because he is trying to but this is really what he sees. He can only see my eyes and focus on them.  And it serves as a constant and beautiful reminder of love. A love that resides in each one of us. Pure Joy. Pure consciousness.