Everything I know about love, I learnt from Raji Kichami. And later on from Sam as well, but that is a different love story. I have often observed people referring to them as ‘Raji Kichami’ as opposed to Raji or Kichami. I have often heard their friends say ‘They were made for each other’. They embodied love for each other and me unconditionally.
But I only heard about their love story in detail from dad after mom passed away.
It was love at first sight. Her brother was his friend, and he had seen her a bunch of times. She was one pretty dame. Her eyes and smile took his breath away. He didn’t care that she was well rounded. He liked the voluptuous look. He didn’t know much about her. But yet he decided to ask for her hand in marriage. Atleast they were from the same community and there wouldn’t be too much push back on either side. He hit it off with her dad like yoghurt and rice or thai sadam ( if you were not raised eating this, you might not relate😊) . Both of them were marketing dudes with the gift of the gab. Also, it didn’t hurt that they could share a drink together!
Mom did not reciprocate any of dad’s feelings. She was all of 19 years. She was not ready. She didn’t know anything about this guy. She was not even attracted to my dad at the time. He looked a bit traditional and wore three ash lines on his forehead (something some brahmins do).
But out of 5 siblings, she was her dad’s pet. And she had immense faith in him. He managed to convince her. This was the right guy and he was asking for her hand in marriage. There were also 3 other daughters to be married and she was the first one to be asked. Indeed, she was fortunate.
I am immensely thankful to my dad and granddad for their powers of persuasion😊.
And it happened on February 6, 1972. They were married in a humble ceremony at a hindu temple.
The first few years of mom’s marriage were a menace. My dad’s family was way more conservative than hers, and it was a difficult mother in law- daughter in law relationship. Her mother in law was extremely loving, but also rather dominating. Mom and dad were in a joint family situation that included 3 sisters and a brother, and my dad was also supporting his family financially. Dad struggled between the family and his wife. And my mom could be moody, if she was pissed, she wouldn’t talk to him for days!
But he had pursued her. He wanted her to be happy. That’s all he cared about. For whatever reason or none at all, he just loved her. I think it was the latter. He somehow saw her heart without any knowledge of it.
Eventually, he took a bold step and decided to move out of the joint family setup. He decided that even if he had to work double time, he would do it. He was a salesman, and while he received first class railway tickets for his interstate work trips, he would go in third class, and save the extra money he made. He did his best to ensure she was satisfied. He wanted to win her over. And eventually he did.
More privacy, more time together. My mom was innately a rather private person. While she could be gregarious, she needed a lot of time to herself. Eventually my mom realized how much he loved her. It became impossible for my mom not to love him back. It was very clear to her that she was everything to him.
He loved her for her. He loved her inspite of her. She was moody, and stubborn. She could be impossible at times.
And she did too. She loved him for him. She loved him inspite of him. He was hot tempered and brash. He could be impossible at times.
Creating me was nothing short of a miracle. My mom struggled for years and years with gynecological issues. She was a teacher, and loved kids. She had great desire for a child. After several years of trying to figure out what was wrong, misdiagnosis, miscarriages and more, she found Dr.Indira Ramurthy, her knight in shining armor. She was firm with my mom. Among other things she told my mom to lose 10 kgs and assured her that she would get pregnant again. And my mom was one hell of a determined woman. She did it. And there I was.
Dad always told me that I brought luck and fortune to him right from the time I was born. He had an opportunity to go to the Middle East for work after I was born and the rest is history. He worked very very hard. Providing for mom and me, and making us happy was his life goal. Anything and everything was in pursuit of our happiness. And mom played the more dominant role in actively raising me.
Mom was our nucleus. Dad and I shared similar personalities and mom provided us grounding. According to Ayurvedic Doshas, Dad and I are predominantly Pitta which consists of Fire and Water and Mom is Kapha which is made up of earth and water. Mom was our stable earth.
I saw their love growing and transforming over the years. They faced many trials and tribulations in life, especially health related ones, and faced them with a lot of grace. I witnessed fights and arguments, and an eventual resolution, always. When I got older, I also played a role in some of them, and joined the ruckus . However, there was always alignment, no matter how much dissonance there was.
At the end of the day, they were one, no matter what. There was no Raji or Kichami.
There is only Raji Kichami. No Separateness. Only Oneness. The greatest gift of my life.